BURNT RISSOLES AND OTHER COOL FOODs FROM MY SEVENTIES YOUTH

Scoop's Titbits post sent me straight back to my parent's house in the Seventies and for some reason I got to thinking about what we ate back then. Some was delicious and some completely gross!

Breakfast:

1. Toast Toppers - slimy mush of meat and beige material of unknown origin. Oddly I loved it!
2. Pop Tarts - not Pan's People, these were toastable flat oblongs full of fruit or chocolate. Delicious!
3. Rise and Shine - powdered orange drink straight from the chemistry lab. Tasted like medicine. Yuk!
4. Ready Brek - central heating for kids. One of my all time fave foodstuffs and one I'd take to Mars. Yum!
5. Puffa Puffa Rice - the world's greatest cereal. When it was discontinued the Dark Ages began again.
6. Egg bread - slices of white bread dipped in battered eggs and fried. Fried bread wearing sunglasses. Super soldier.Yes!

Lunch/ Dinner:

1. Big Soup - man-sized chunks of muscle in ectoplasm. Big Gloop is a better name. Still available in petrol stations and other man stores.
2. Luncheon Meat - actually constructed for lunchtimes. Pale pressed flesh. Peek Frean, Fray Bentos and Spam became popular forenames as a result. Fry the whole slab and voila, Sunday roast!
3. Crispy Pancakes - another of my faves. Like little sand dunes stuffed with a white hot plasma of goodness. Breadcrumbs for teenagers.

Tea:

1. Vesta Chow Mein/ Chop Suey/ Beef Curry and Paella. The dried food of the Gods and all that would ever be needed for inter-galactic travel. Frying the Chow Mein crispy noodles was character building.
2. Lobster Bisque Canned Soup - utterly disgusting fishy fluid from the soup top-shelf for adults only. Only ever tried once by anyone. Try to go to a happy place straight after if you can!
3. Brains Faggots - easily the best name for a foodstuff ever. Delicious meat balls made of brains and sticks.
4. Rissoles - a distant cousin of the burger and utterly scrumptious. There would have been Rissole King if it weren't for an unfortunate similarity to the word ar*ehole!
5. Marrowfat peas - peas made in a petri dish. Pumped with growth hormones. Never mess with a marrowfat. Shed their skins every two hours.
6. Coronation chicken - the saddest excuse for a curry ever created. Bread laughed when spread with this sh*te.
7. Irish Stew - everything a young man needed in a can. Big Soup grown up. My bro called it the medicine!
8. Tripe and Pickled Onions - My dad's fave and what he'll be scoffing in Heaven right now! Like Kidneys, deviled or otherwise, Offal.
9. Liver Butties - guts of the Gods. The greatest sandwich of all time. Northern caviar. Organ soul.
10. Glasswort - pickled seaweed from the Lancashire coast. Aka samphire. A taste of the Ocean floor.
11. Finny Haddock - jaundiced slab served with aneamic spuds. Aka yellow fish. Punishment on Fridays. Not to be confused with Fanny Craddock, pioneering TV cook who wore scary red lipstick.

Supper:

1. Bread and milk - buttered slices of white bread boiled in milk and doused in sugar. Ambrosia. 'Nuff said. Nothing else for Supper required.

Puddings:

1. Instant Whip - fruit flavoured space blancmange - the best milk pudding since Mars Bonfire. To die for.
2. Arctic Roll - a golden sponge tube lined with jam and filled with vanilla ice cream. Made tubes interesting forever.

Posh food served in Pubs:

1. Chicken in a basket - fried chicken and chips served in a plastic basket. KFC couldn't fail after this!
2. Ploughman's Lunch - bread, cheese and Branston pickle. Never ever saw a single ploughman in a pub.

Posh food served in Bistros [a small posh evening cafe that served Mateus wine from baskets]:

1. Cock au Van - chicken in a van.
2. Chicken Chasseur - chicken in a chasseur,
3. Beef Bourguignon - beef in a bourguignon.
4. Duck a l'Orange - duck in an orange. The bill would often make you choke.

Ah, those were the days! What old foodstuffs do you recall readers?