ROYAL SNAIL

Its been a terrible month as an Ebay seller and a cautionary tale maybe not to post items during the run-up to Christmas, which is paradoxically the best time to sell!

I've had to refund four tracked items so far - Ebay and buyers were on my case -  and there are still some items yet to arrive at their destinations. One item I can put down to my unusually poor large letter packaging - a damaged cast soldier's head came off - but the other three, all part of the same combined parcel, I have to lay at Royal Mail's door.

Thankfully it's only a tenner's value all in, which I've refunded, as the buyer was getting increasingly frustrated with his purchases simply not arriving. I don't blame him.

It still hasn't arrived and it may never do! You won't believe where this parcel has been - literally everywhere in northern England - in the last two weeks!

It should have gone down the road to Donny but have a look at the tracking journey! Its now in Birmingham as of yesterday!

Looking at this again, I only hope that I put the right postcode on this parcel! Or indeed any postcode!

*

POSTSCRIPT!

It turns out I didn't put the wrong postcode on this parcel and they did arrive two weeks later at their destination.... damaged with an apology from Royal Mail. The buyer sent me the pictures.

Unbelievable that the company entrusted to deliver a parcel delivered it damaged like this! Luckily, it wasn't worth much.

Needless to say I won't be claiming from a monolith. Its Christmas and I've better things to do!

TALES FROM THE CRYPT AND TWO PARACETOMOL PLEASE!

With my circadian clock clogged with up snot I'm not sleeping when I should. Hence I was up late last night nursing my cold, drinking more hot tea and watching more old films, horror films; Amicus anthologies to be exact, those Seventies-set competitors to Hammer's more gothic output.

The first I watched, Tales from the Crypt, is one I associate totally with my older brothers when they were teenagers in the early 1970's. Advertised in the newspaper at the time, along with all the other films on, they saw it at one of the three cinemas in Preston town centre at the time: ABC, Odeon or Ritz. I was a mere boy of 10 when Amicus released Tales from the Crypt in 1971, a classic 'X' for 18's only. 

An earlier American generation, nearly twenty years earlier, would have enjoyed the original EC comic it was based on but I don't think I knew about EC then. Creepy and Eerie were the US imports of note at the time. Maybe my older brothers had heard of EC, I don't know. Nowadays, I'm pleased to say I have a few EC reprints keeping my Warren's company.

Amicus's Tales from the Crypt is that wonderful thing and perfect Christmas fayre; a selection box with something for everyone: Joan Collin's raving Santa, the monkey's paw-styled Death on a motorcycle,  Ian Hendry's late crash victim, the amazing Blind Institute story and of course Grimsdyke the binman's story is simply fabulous and so well made.

But my personal favourite is And All Through the House, the first story and the one set on Christmas Eve. I adore this nostalgic tale starring Joan Collins and the ubiquitous Chloe Franks. The contemporary 1970's set reminds me so much of my parents' house; the Xmas tree, the cards, the decorations and the Seventies décor such as the big radio playing carols, the huge chunky nail-art style pictures and of course the massive transparent cigarette lighter that needed two hands! Its so evocative I can almost touch my past and step right into it, which is indeed a storyline in another portmanteau!

I won't spoil it, although I imagine everyone reading MC will have seen Tales from the Crypt. Needless to say, as in the original EC comics, cardinal sinners, especially the greedy ones, are punished ruthlessly and their just desserts dished out with a very large hammer indeed ... or a spade ... or a sword!

I will say that watching And All Through the House was the start of this year's Christmas for me last night, such is its nostalgic power every year.

I  couldn't locate Crypt's Amicus stablemate Vault of Horror immediately but eventually found it for free on You Tube, but therein lies another tale ..., five!

Do you like Tales from the Crypt? What's your favourite segment? Do you have any EC comics?

THE MYSTERIOUS HMC WIZARDBUG

 

This is weird.

A plastic bug ina really basic header bag I saw online.

The Wizardbug by HMC.

It says its patented.

The little ball inside reminds me of Marx Roly-Kins.

Ever come across one readers?

Plan 9 from the Planet Kleenex

I'm currently laid up with a dreadful cold. I just can't stop sneezing. I spent the night on the sofa with a box of kleenex watching Grizzly the horror movie. At some point I must have dozed, breathing solely through my mouth - not pleasant is it! - and got in bed at 5.15am. I woke to say ta-ra to the Missus, who was standing at a village Christmas fair and have been sneezing and watching films in bed until now. Warm duvets, sci-fi and horror films, a tried and tested cure for the common cold! Oh, and hot tea too.

Grizzly is one of those movies I can watch over and over. There's something relaxing about square-jawed wardens, vast American wilderness and wildlife on the rampage. The Snow Beast is the same. Nothing too taxing and lots of gorgeous unspoiled landscapes. Grizzly actually spawned a toy rubber bear, which we've covered before on MC.

This morning I began a trio of space vamp movies: Queen of Blood, Devil Girl from Mars and Plan 9 from Outer Space.

Queen of Blood I hadn't seen before but I've always loved the early Sixties psychedelic poster. I adored the strange title art ( the artist's name escapes me), the sets, the models, the cosmic colours and the music. Really startling. The Martian vampiress plot could have been a bit tenser but overall I enjoyed it, predating as it does Alien and and the very similar Lifeforce by decades. I understand that some imagery was borrowed from earlier films that Roger Corman owned. All in all, a great job by John Saxon (star of the great Black Christmas) et al. Do you like it readers?

Next up, Devil Girl from Mars, with one Gerald Anderson as sound editor! The oldest film of the three - a black and white from the Fifties - and sadly the least enjoyable. I found the pub setting a bit tedious but I did like Nyah the Martian trafficker. The spaceship was a bit clunky but the fireworks and smokey landing could have been from Thunderbirds, still a whole decade away. Is this one you like readers? 

Last but by no means least, Plan 9 from Outer Space by the great Ed Wood. Often branded as the worst film ever made, I'm enjoying it the most of the three and I'm only half way through ( tea break! ). It's a fabulous colourized version.  The plot is the best one - aliens raising the human dead to do their bidding. The cast is amazing: Vampira is hypnotic, Bela Lugosi is basically Dracula cloaking the whole time and Tor Johnson, he's just class - the scene where he rises from the grave is stunning.

Vampira is a fascinating actress, who previously hosted a horror show - she was the first such host - and was mates with Jimmy Dean no less. An American - Finn, her Finnish heritage famously questioned, the character Vampira is genius, what with the black garb and the claw hand walk, very much in the vein of Morticia but one that holds her own. Half of the movie to go. Are you a Plan 9'er?

One observation: the chrome airliners at the start of Queen of Blood and Plan 9 look to be the same! 

8 WHEELS ON MY WAGON

 Where's there's one bug ....

.... there's usually more!

I saw this nest of hill climbing 8 wheelers on Etsy a while back. How cool are they!

Lovely things.

I would have loved them at Christmas as a baby boomer kid back in the Sixties.

You?

MOON MAKER

 I picked up this cheap water pistol from a charity shop last week and it gave me an idea.

The Lone Star James Bond Moonraker toy gun.

It needs a lick of paint now.

M E G A T R O N by ELLEGI

 

This is unusual, the Megatron by Ellegi of Italy.

An RC spaceship with everything, radar and all!

What do you make of it readers?

Christmas Decs

Christmas back in the day was dripping with decorations in my parents' house.

For my Mum, more meant more and she loved to have more decs than anyone else. This extended to the biggest tree on the street too! 

Basic table decorations were often strange things I'd made at primary school, mostly with used toilet rolls! They included smarty filled snowmen covered in cotton will and paper lanterns that had slits all the way round, which allowed them to be pushed down and out. So many toilet rolls on the dining table! 

These were joined around the house with a thousand festive nic-nacs, which I imagine all came from my Dad's cash 'n' carry warehouse, where he was the gaffer.

I so remember small white Greek urns with a snowman sat in them, nestling in holly. All plastic fantastic.

Similarly plastic were fake red candles in gold holders and Santas of every size and shape.

Paper garlands were strung across every ceiling along with tinsel arcing on each wall and around picture frames. I remember the garlands had rectangular paper lanterns every few inches.

Being Catholic we had a crib. It was in the hall next to the phone on a piece of furniture called the monks bench. It was a lovely crib with ceramic figures and animals housed in a sort of crinkly paper manger. I think baby Jesus liked our crib. I enjoyed peering at it as a nipper.

All this stuff, was though, a mere pre-amble to the main event, a Yuletide starter to Mum's big enchilada: our Christmas tree in the front bay window for all to see and enjoy, both inside and out on the wintry street.

First of all, it had to be real. I've no idea where it came from. Probably the North Pole via Preston Docks, it had to smell of Lappland and reindeer 

Next up, it had to be huge, bigger than anyone's else's and certainly bigger than Ormerods up the road. When I say huge I mean from floor to ceiling. Clamped in its big water-filled base, the fairy at the top had to lower her little head to fit! 

Finally, it had to be filled from top to bottom with seasonal stuff (we'd probably call it tat nowadays!): baubles, crackers, tinsel and in-between branches, balloons, lots of them. This fir tree would have levitated if it wasn't for the base. The whole shabang was encircled with two strings of fairy lights plugged into a lamp, which in turn was plugged into the socket. I've no idea why the lights just didn't have normal plugs!

And that was that. The decs were up, the tree was in and a good supply of sherry was handy for when Mum's friends bobbed round or the local priest, Father Smith, who always enjoyed a Christmas tipple or two.

Did you have decorations at Xmas readers?