The classifieds in old comics were a minefield for the young soul.
If you thought getting hold of a bottle of Dracula's soil was dangerous then think again. Yes, a vial of the Count's mouldy substrate would be enticing but then you saw the small ad for an ankh! Yes, your very own Ancient Egyptian ankh complete with curse! Now who in thier right minds would buy a curse by mail order?
Not to be outdone by objects, there were perilous activities too. the Dim Mak or the death touch was but ten bob away and you too could slay your enemies with just your fingertips. Its a wonder we didn't see streets full of writhing youths succumbing to the Dim Mak!
And what about hypnotism? For a couple of pennies you could learn to hypnotise your best friend's sister and turn her into a golem to do your bidding. It was there for the taking, you just had to send a 10 pence postal order.
If not yet mesmerised you could always ask Joe Weider or Charles Atlas how to kick sand in the face of humiliation whilst sunbathing on Morecambe Bay. I often found myself lying on golden sands on the Fylde Coast surrounded by a harem of tanning aphrodites and their sand kicking guards. Alas not!
If any of these weren't enough to tempt your mortal soul to squander its flimsy creed and send off some serious dosh then you hadn't yet reached the ad for the Rosicrucians. Now who in God's name were they? Festooned with ancient symbols, compasses and pyramids, I can only assume they were the cub scouts of Freemasonry or some other secret society that actually run the world and should you respond to the ad you would never be seen again [no offence if anyone is in fact a Rosicrucian!]
Despite being almost compelled to sin cardinally every week by these small ads I somehow managed to keep my post office savings account intact and my tremulous soul too!
Did you respond readers? Did you send off any money?
It was very tempting, especially the X-Ray Specs and Live Sea Monkeys, but what always intruiged me were the huge boxes of army soldiers and tanks and planes which you could buy for a couple of dollars. Hypnotism was a big draw too, but despite their mystic influences, I never succumbed!
ReplyDeleteHypnotism was a big draw too! ha ha. I like that!
DeleteAlas, no. The ads in American comic books were far too exotic, and out of reach. There is a book called Mail Order Mysteries, by Kirk Demarais, Insight Editions, USA, 2011, which covers many of these items, and the vintage ads. I recall borrowing it from the library a few years ago. Laura Legends has also done a couple of videos on mail order goodies, contrasting the ads with what you actually got, and another on ventriloquism, which she tries out.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a good book that Paul, thanks.
DeleteI also used ot look at those adverts for soldiers, spacemen etc, in U.S. comics. There is, or was, a web site devoted to them.Turns out the military figures were almost flat, and rather inadequately detailed (although that hasn't stopped them becoming collectable, apparently)!
ReplyDeleteThose soldiers were flat? Really! I didn't know that Andy. Ta.
DeleteI was always drawn by the sets of soldiers and vehicles with 'exploding bridges' and the like.
ReplyDelete'Exploding' WOW ! Really ?
Alas, I never sent off, so never found out.
Did any of you guys ?
Mish.
Nope, no exploding sets. Can't imagine how they exploded. Tension maybe? I bought an exploding bridge Batman set by Remco at the NEC once. Great thing. The 'explosion' was created with a small air pump that 'blew' the bridge apart.
DeleteI was playing for a band called the Western aces and another singer who was mates with the band I'd joined asked our singer where he found the new drummer and enquired if it was from the ad's at the back of Mad magazine, like you can hire a rockabilly drummer for all social occasions?? Of course I took it as a compliment... - MJ Southcoast base
ReplyDeleteHa ha: Alfred E Neuman is on the skins!
DeleteI always managed to resist the exotic allure of the likes of sea monkeys, x-ray glasses and 6' monster posters, as advertised in American comics. More to the point, my mum would never have let me send off money to America! When I picked up my first copy of Creepy, it was even worse. Those back pages were filled with so many fantastic goodies from Warren's Captain Company that I would never, ever be able to get my hands on.
ReplyDeleteBack in 2000, though, my wife-to-be and I spent a brilliant afternoon in Joe Koch's Brooklyn comic warehouse. It was hot, dusty and dark but utterly unforgettable. We mentioned we were getting married the following year and the owner then gave us one of those coffin-shaped lockets filled with Transylvanian soil, as sold in the pages of Creepy and Eerie. He sadly couldn't guarantee its authenticity, though.
What an amazing story Paul, I loved it. A superb memory. I have to ask, do you still have your Dracula's soil locket? Incidentally me and the Missus were in NYC in January 2001 for my 40th!
DeleteYup, still got it. Soooomewherrrre... So, where did you and Mrs Woods go in NYC? I'd love to go back there, sometime.
ReplyDeleteBlimey, hope that soil hasn't expanded. The plot thickens ha ha! In NYC we visited Tribeca, Central Park, South Seaport, Empire State, Staten Island, Mid Town and more I can't recall. We spent a nice hour in Strands Bookshop where I bought a book on Action Figures. I'd be surprised if its still standing as sadly it was quite near to the World Trade Centre. We stood in the foyer of one of the towers too! I remember we walked miles and miles all the time!
DeleteWhere else did you guys go Paul in t'Big Apple?
DeleteEmpire State Building, Statue of Liberty, Central Park, MOMA (but it was closed), another gallery that wasn't closed with a name I can't remember, lots of comic shops, Macy's... My recollection's a bit foggy and we were only there for about four days, I think.
DeleteSounds just like our trip! We could be doppelgangers!
Delete