OPEN WIDE!

I've just been to the Dentist to have my chompers cleaned. 

Its called a Scale and Polish and performed by a masked hygienist, although there were three mask-clad technicians in the small room too. I was outnumbered 4 to 1! 

After applying vegetable dye to my teeth, so that any bacteria would leap out, the friendly hygienist proceeded to jet-wash my nashers. In the past this deep clean used to be painful around the gum-line, but this was just wet. Very wet. I was showered with a fine mist of dental water, whilst watching a slow video of the Greek island of Santorini on the ceiling.

Some stubborn plaque - or tartar - or calcium - I'm unsure what it is but it was stubborn, had to be zapped with a more traditional road drill. With the ever-present suction pipe in there too and a mouthful of plaquey water I did gag a bit, which is always rather embarrassing!

Fluoride paste was then blathered all over my polished chucky pegs and I was told not to drink any tea or coffee for an hour or it would stain the newly whitened 'Barry' sheen.

To finish there's always a little tipple in a plastic cup waiting on a dinky sink. The mini-bar! I was disappointed this time that it was just pure water and not the pink medicated mocktail I'm used to. 

Alas, I have to return on the morrow for a less pleasant procedure. The removal of a small toothlet sticking out from my lower gum. I think they may have described it as a lost root. I personally think it may be the beginnings of a tusk, you know, like a Gamorrean Guard!

Its sore as hell though, the tusklet, when I eat on it, so the little sod has to go. It requires someone with Dr in the title to do the job this time, along with her friend Mr. Needle to make me comfortably numb!

All this makes me realise why there have been few, if any, dentist toys! 

The law-suits would pile up like unpaid dental bills! There really can't be any dental toys. Or?