making massive missing missiles for my one man army toy: johnny 7 up

I love Johnny Seven.

Years ago I suggested that missing missiles could be found in the kitchen.

I called these replacements "Johnny Lemon" and with tongue very firmly in cheek I blogged about them [you can follow this bitter trail by clicking its label below]

So when I recently saw some huge foam NERF gun ammunition in a toy shop I was inspired to up the ante and max out my Johnny.

In a post-news world were size matters the One Man Army has gone fake-large.

I give you Johnny 7 Up!

Not to be tried at home .... even I haven't!

First Up we have the 1 litre PARTY CRASHER.

This is a modified empty 7Up bottle ready to serve and I don't mean drinks. This air-rammed guzzle tube will turn any kids' Birthday into a Battlefield where only the fizziest survive! 

When the Trifle needs rifle, when the jelly needs welly, when the pies need GI's this is all you need. 

The PARTY CRASHER! 

No-one gets any cake!

Last but not least and for that most dangerous of ropey war zones, I bring you the THE TENT FLATTENER! 

The TF is a 19-litre air-filled camping water butt mega-missile that will turn your Johnny 7 into a canvas-levelling piledriver.

 Equally lethal in the garden during summer tent nights or the family camping trip in August, the TENT FLATTENER will flatten a tent in one single salvo of plastic damnation. Your tented siblings, friends and rivals will be pounded like pillows whilst you sing Awning has Broken!

The TENT FLATTENER

No-one gets any sleep!

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Can you think of any more harmless but spectacular spoof ways to beef up the 7Up range readers?