RENFIELD'S DENTAL RELISH

Whether its the book I've been reading called Fangland [didn't enjoy it] or my musings about Transylvanians in Whitby for a possible Sarge story, our dog Blue has made the household fly his sworn enemy.

As its summer and the windows are open we have a variety of domestic guests flying round: tiny flies, small moths, huge moths, the impossibly long-legged Crane Flies [ I wrote that yesterday about Kris Kristofferson! Maybe he's a human crane fly!] and the more chunky house fly. If you read my report yesterday then you'll know we nearly had fridge flies too.

Blue isn't keen on any form of incoming. Unscheduled flights near his face, especially when he's busy resting, are guaranteed to raise the security level to DEF DOG 1 [or is it 5?]. Any further incursions into Blue's hairspace will result in immediate and often fatal retaliatory strikes.

Lifted by unseen canine forces Blue will launch himself into the air off the settee like a missile and snap his jaws tightly shut around any stray fly or bluebottle. Sometimes the hunt goes mobile as the fly fleas [can you say that? fly fleas?] to the rest of the house with a crazed dog at its tail.

The chances of success are high as Blue is what the RAF call an ace. In fact he's the local squad leader for RUF but I don't know what it stands for.

Its a sorry sight to see a fly taken out by a dog. Often they are maimed and hobble along the floor fatally wounded. The old adage 'Wouldn't hurt a fly' always grieves me but not for long. Like a noble knight Blue always curtails their misery with a swift bite and a swallow.

Yes, Blue eats flies. A munch, a lick of the lips and they're gone.

He reminds me of Renfield in Dracula. I'm unsure of how this is explained in the novel as its years since I've read Bram's Whitby-inspired tale but I can clearly see the actor in Coppola's film version who plays Renfield locked up in Carfax asylum.

Flies are the lives for the Master. He collects fly-lives in the hope that Bad Vlad will promote him to Chief of Carfax Blood Bank. Small lives will get him there. Bigger lives like mice and even, yes, a kitten, would get him there quicker thinks the ill-advised Renfield.

I wonder if Blue is secretly Renfield. There are certainly no mice in the house and next door's cat drives him wild. He does already have very sharp teeth though, Renfield's dental relish.

Come to think of it Blue could be farming fly eggs in our Fridge! Advanced Renfield Tech. More flies. More lives for the Master!

It puts a whole new spin on the record label HMV, His Master's Voice! That pup is clearly being sent off to capture bluebottles like Blue!

Have you got a Renfield dog?